International Association of Fire Fighters Local 18   /   Vancouver Fire Rescue Services 

​VANFIRE Wellness


If you are supporting a firefighter, you are already doing something incredible. But it is not easy. Firefighting is one of the most demanding jobs out there, physically, mentally, and emotionally. What many people do not realize is that those who love and support first responders carry a unique weight too. You see the exhaustion, the anger, the silence. You live beside the job, even if you do not do it.

The most important thing we want you to hear is this: You cannot pour from an empty cup. The healthier and more grounded you are, the more capacity you will have to be there for your partner. You matter in this picture just as much as they do.

Start Here: What You Might See

If your partner is showing changes in behavior, mood, or energy after work, know this — these are not personal attacks. They are not choices. These are reactions to a high impact profession. First responders absorb repeated exposure to danger, trauma, and life or death pressure. Their symptoms can include:

  • Withdrawal or shutting down emotionally
  • Irritability or quick frustration
  • Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep
  • Being on edge or jumpy
  • Avoidance of conversations about work
  • Trouble connecting at home or with the kids
  • Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue


These symptoms are not signs of weakness. They are signs that the nervous system is doing its best to cope with something overwhelming. As hard as it is, try not to take these reactions personally. They are not about you. They are about what they have been through.

What You Can Do to Help and Heal Alongside Them

1. Care for Yourself First

You are not just a supporter — you are also a person with your own needs. If you are exhausted, anxious, or emotionally drained, you will have less room to hold space for someone else.

  • Make time for sleep, movement, and meals
  • Talk to someone you trust about your own stress
  • Set boundaries around conversations or energy that feels too heavy
  • Know that seeking support for yourself is not selfish — it is essential


2. Understand the Stress Response

Their behavior may feel confusing or cold. But these are classic signs of post traumatic stress response. Learn the basics of how trauma affects the body and mind. The more you know, the less personal it feels — and the more supportive you can be.

See this helpful resource: Understanding PTSD from CAMH

3. Hold Space Without Trying to Fix

  • When your partner talks (if they do), your job is not to solve. It is to listen. Offer warmth, presence, and patience.
  • That sounds really tough. I’m here with you.
  • Avoid saying, it could be worse or at least you're okay
  • Let them take the lead on what they share and when


4. Offer Steady, Simple Help

  • Trauma can make everyday life feel overwhelming. Offer small, grounded support:
  • Make dinner, do a load of laundry, offer to pick up the kids
  • Sit quietly with them without needing to fill the silence
  • Respect when they need space, but stay connected


5. Talk to the Kids

  • Children pick up on emotional changes. Silence or pretending everything is fine can cause more anxiety.
  • Keep explanations age appropriate and simple
  • Let them know mom or dad is having a tough time and it is not their fault
  • Offer extra cuddles, reassurance, and routine
  • More on parenting through stress: Child Trauma Toolkit for Educators


6. Learn About Triggers and Trauma Patterns

  • Firefighters often avoid reminders of what they have seen. Loud noises, crowds, or specific locations can bring up reactions. It helps to:
  • Ask gently what helps and what does not
  • Avoid surprising them or forcing conversations
  • Learn to notice signs of stress and allow space to reset


7. Encourage Help but Do Not Push

  • You cannot force someone into therapy or recovery. But you can leave the door open:
  • There are people who get what this is like if you ever want to talk to them
  • Share support options like Vanfirewellness.com and First Responder Mental Health Resources


8. Know That You Might Need Support Too

Secondary trauma is real. Just living alongside repeated stress can take a toll. If you notice your own anger, sadness, anxiety, or disconnection growing, do not ignore it. Find a support group, a therapist, or a friend who can walk with you.

If You Are in Crisis

You are not alone. Here are free and confidential resources:
988 Suicide Crisis Helpline — Call or text 988 any time

Connection to Care (BC Municipal Workers) — A mental health line with professionals trained in first responder culture: Learn more
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BC First Responder Health Directory — Find clinicians trained in first responder mental health: Visit the directory

PSPNET Families — A free, online, self guided program for spouses and families of public safety personnel, developed by CIPSRT: Access PSPNET Families


You are doing something brave by trying to understand, support, and stick with someone in pain. It is not easy. But with the right tools, support, and care, both of you can come through this stronger. Do not carry it all alone.

You matter too.



Citations and Resources:

Canadian Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH): Understanding PTSD – https://www.camh.ca

National Child Traumatic Stress Network: Trauma Toolkit – https://www.nctsn.org

PSPNET Families (CIPSRT): Free online support – https://www.pspnet.ca/families

BC First Responders Mental Health Portal – https://www.bcfirstrespondersmentalhealth.com

Phoenix Australia: First Responder Resources – https://www.phoenixaustralia.org/resources/first-responders

Connection to Care, BC Municipal Workers – https://www.bcrmh.ca/connection-to-care

Homewood Health – https://homewoodhealth.com